May 1st: A Matter of Perspective

Caroline and Christine have asked me to post on Christine's blog today to give you a new perspective.  They felt that it would be interesting to have a "guest" blog about how I have felt during Christine's illness and recovery.  I am Christine's aunt.  Her mother Amy is my favorite (and only) sister.   There are 6 years between Amy and I, and while we were not the closest of sibling growing up, we have become very close as adults.

For those who know me, you may realize that asking me how I "feel"  will probably get you a large blank page.  I am not an overtly emotional person, and in general, approach life from a more pragmatic and logical perspective.  What I will tell you about though, is what I "see" and what I have "seen"  over the last several weeks.

For me, it has been all about perspective.  It often is, whenever I have had a family member diagnosed with something scary, unknown and frightening.  The first thing I always want to know, is different from my family's.  They are often buried in the emotions that such scary things bring out.  I always want to know "now what?".  "What are the doctors saying?"  "What are we going to do from here?"  I can't look back and wish that things had not happened.  I can't look back and say "Where did we go wrong?" or "What could we have done to avoid this?".  I am all about "What we do now?"   For Christine, it was very scary in that, no one could say what would happen next, or what the outcome would be.  The first 10 days or so, all the focus was on the uncertainty.  The condition had to run its course, and all anyone could do was treat each symptom as it arose and wait.

Christine's doctors and nurses were doing everything they could to keep her stable, Her mom and her sister were by her side helping make decisions with her medical team.  All I could do was wait and pray.  First thing I did, Facebook.  I posted up on my wall asking my family and friends to pray for Christine. (That, and ask my wonderful husband to send her flowers...his favorite thing to do when someone is ill!)

Once Christine was more stable, and able to have more visitors, I started going in to see her.  I try to bring her things she craves, Iced Chai, Chili, Croissants, "Real" Syrup, or favorite foods from Trader Joe's.  Simple things to keep her focusing on the good things. I tried to tell her the specific things I could see that looked better. As she improved, I set aside several days a week to go in to see her.  Usually on my own, sometimes with my daughter Katie or my husband Don. The last 2 weeks, I have gone in on my own to spend some mornings with Christine and anyone else who was there with her, and this is my perspective.

Plain and simple, my niece Christine is AMAZING.  I don't know how she has managed to keep such a positive attitude through this whole ordeal.  I know she has had some very low moments and more than one total meltdown, but beyond that, she has taken the time to look deep inside herself and hold on through one of the most horrible experiences I have ever seen.  The depth of her strength seems to be bottomless.  I always knew she was strong, but this goes way beyond that.  She is thankful to the nurses who help her everyday.  She is understanding to the family that sits with her day after day.  She listens to the doctors and tries to be an active participant in her health care. I know there are days she wants to scream at them all, but she still thanks them for all they are doing.  (I know I would have wanted to scream if one more person told me to "stay strong" or "you are looking so much better!")  She is taking this all in as a learning experience about herself, her future and how she wants to be as a nurse when she finished nursing school.

In addition to that, my sister Amy and Christine's sister Caroline are also AMAZING!  They have put their personal lives on hold as much as humanly possible to be with Christine day and night.  They have listened to the doctors, asked questions and helped Christine through her lowest moments. They have also been able to let go the last few days and let Christine "fly solo" at night.  I think this has been a good change for them and for Christine. I always knew the women in my family were strong together, but now I KNOW it!

Beyond that, I LOVE all the support Christine has had.  Beyond my sister and Christine's sister, those of you that know us know that we have a very large and very "extended" family.  Some of them have driven 5-6 hours just to spend a short visit with Christine to encourage her.  Others have been playing chauffeur to others or been a personal shopper or favorite food go-getter.  Her friends and coworkers stop in to visit as much as they can.  Many have not been able to stay long, but they all do what they can to keep her spirits up.  Her room is filled with beautiful flowers, pictures, cards and care packages from them all.  Her nurses have just been so supportive and gone above and beyond to help her feel "herself", washing her hair and helping her get around.

From my perspective on the edge of all this, my visits for the last few weeks have been relaxing.  Even though Christine has a long road ahead of her dealing with the lingering issues that SJS has left her with, some of which are very painful, it has been wonderful to just sit with her.  Early on, she sometimes was sleeping, and I could chat with my mom, my sister and Caroline.  I have had a chance to chat with them all on a deeper level than our busy lives normally allow.  I have been able to watch the progress of Christine's healing and give her my view on it all.

Today, Amy was home working and Caroline and I spent the morning with Christine.  While Caroline was home walking her dogs, Christine and I were able to chat about what she wants for herself and her future.  I found myself awed, and even emotional on the way home as I considered HER perspective about all this and how just a few weeks ago, I was afraid that she might not pull through this ordeal.  How could I ever have doubted her ability to persevere and move forward!  Like I said, Christine, her family, friends, and my own family are...AMAZING.